Am I Selfish for Wanting to Wait to Get Married and Have Children?

It’s funny how we are taught throughout our lives that the ultimate success is achieving the  “American Dream”.  That perfect life where you land your dream job straight out of college, engaged to the love of you’re life by 22, married by 25, and have 2.5 kids by the time you’re 30. Right? Well, what about the people that aspire for more than just a life partner and children? Are they selfish rebels or are they ahead of their time?the_most_expensive_celebrity_engagement_rings_640_45 In your twenties, there’s definitely a lot of pressure to live up to that traditional “American Dream”. From a woman’s perspective, it feels like at every family gathering we’re asked “So when are you having kids”? OR “When are you getting married”?. Like people expect me to be at the stage by now and if not then whats the hold up?

Me personally at 24 years old,  my long-term boyfriend and I are not engaged and don’t have children. Which is a conscious decision that I have decided to make. I know that personally, having children right now would completely hold me back from pursuing my dreams and career goals. I mean seriously, even Beyonce waited until she was in her 30s to have Blue Ivy; how is it ok to go against Queen B?

Who doesn’t want to have children one day, the majority of people do within their lifetime; but how cruel is it to have a child and not be able to take care of them and give them things that you may have never had. Each generation should aim to get better not stay the same, and not get worse. I just feel it is important to “get your life together”, whether that means go to college, start your own business, or become Chris Brown’s back up dancer, just go for it.  We’ve slowly observed that everyone around us is taking that giant ‘life’ leap into marriage or motherhood/fatherhood. Both are beautiful and timeless occasions, however, is it really a bad thing to be selfish and not get married or have kids?.  Is it ok to be selfish?

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Is it selfish  to not want to fit the mold of the traditional “dream” that is set within our society? Haven’t found your soulmate, maybe you don’t want to. Its very difficult for most people to understand that some aren’t interested in settling down with the old ‘ball and chain’. Some people would rather travel the world, or focus on their career, or play the field for the rest of their lives. But why do so many people look at them like monkeys in a zoo or pity them? It’s not as simple as “you just haven’t found the right one.” maybe its ” I’m not interested in following societies footsteps.” It is not necessarily a bad thing to want to pursue your own personal dreams, maybe you have pursued them, now your successful and want to enjoy that success before sharing it with someone else. We aren’t demeaning those that have decided to get married or have kids, but we also aren’t shaming those that would rather ‘live their life to the fullest’ first.

Dream-Big Why is it that in 2015, this topic comes up constantly? Why do people feel the need to ask “What’s next”, for you? Hazel and I constantly get shamed for the lifestyle we live, which you would think is crazy, right? Well unless going clubbing a couple times a month, Netflixing (its a Dahlia thing, only understood if you binge watch netflix)  when we deem necessary,  traveling throughout the year, and being able to focus on ourselves, then I guess we’re pretty raunchy.  But honestly, that is as shameless as it gets around here. Guess we’re still in that selfish phase of life where a good trip to us is a margarita in hand, a beautiful beach in front of us, and all our worries left at home. Sure those of you may argue that you can take your children on trips, but we aren’t talking about Disney World here. We know you would like to take that Vegas trip kids free, don’t lie.. Just because you have decided to end the chapter of your life that we have just begun to write for our own, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. WHY SO ANGRY? You should be happy at that stage in your life, and not so bitter.

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Times were different 20 years ago. There were more opportunities to get a job out of college and the economy was booming. There is nothing wrong with focusing on your career and your passions, traveling the world, and emerging yourself into as many things as possible. It’s almost like society is forcing you to feel guilty for wanting to follow your own blueprint. Only you know whats best for you and your life, nothing worse than getting married or becoming a parent when you didn’t want to. Hello teen mom.

If you do have kids or are married or maybe even both and you’re reading this post, we know it doesn’t mean your life is over. We’ve seen plenty of people still pursue their dreams and even become successful while having a family. You just have to work that much harder to get there. There’s plenty of success out here for every body, whether you claim “0 and single” or dependents on your taxes. We’re all just trying to reach for the stars and have a good/stable life.

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This blog post is just about encouraging you to feel comfortable at the stage you’re at within your life. Whether you are 25 and happily married with children or 30 and single, there is no reason to shame. There is a time in everyone’s life and/or relationship to take a step in the next direction; but don’t ever feel selfish for feeling the need to wait and enjoy life as it comes, whichever way that may be. Live Shameless.

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