How to Not Neglect your Friends, When You Start a New Relationship

  1. We all have that one friend, maybe you met in high school or you’ve known them since the sandbox days, either way they’re that person thats been there through it all. They’re the bond that never breaks, the relationship that can stand every test, the ying to your yang; until a 6’2 gorgeous smooth talker falls into your lap and all you want to do is obsess over your new beau. So by the time the honey moon stage has evaporated into thin air, you decide to have a fun night with your bff only to realize . . . wait what was their name again? Yea, you’re officially the worst friend ever, now here’s how to not neglect your friend(s) when you start a new relationship.

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Ok so clearly if your still reading this, you’re either guilty of throwing your friends away like a knock-off handbag, or your the cheap fake designer clutch that got trashed; well Ariel and myself are here to help. We’ve been friends since middle school so we’ve been there for each other through almost everything. From SAT’s to high school break ups, to the shocking revelation of The Hills being completely scripted. So yea, we’ve seen it all. One thing we have managed to do, is stay true to our friendship, no matter what guy is in the mix or where life takes us. Ok to be completely honest its a lot easier said than done, you know the mantra “Bros before hoes” . The truth is, once you’ve met someone that you can clearly see a future with, you have to learn how to juggle the relationships with everyone else in your life as well. So how do you do that?

1. It’s not always forever. If you’ve met someone new and your head over hills (for the moment) you have to realize that its called the “honeymoon stage” for a reason and thats because it doesn’t last forever. Eventually, you two will disagree and have your first argument and who will you want to turn to when your mascara is running down your face? Thats right, the one thats been there for you up until you kicked them to the curb, your best friend. Your going to miss them, need them or just want to hear their voice eventually and if not, that was probably never your real friend to begin with. But to be fair you’ve probably been single for a while, even if you haven’t, you and your new partner deserve and need this time together. This is the most crucial time of a relationship, and you don’t want to be that person that can’t make it work because they’re more worried about their friends than their relationship (heres to you, the whole Shahs of Sunset cast).

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2. Ok sometimes it is forever. Yes relationships come and go but sometimes they choose to be a bit more stubborn and they end up putting a sparkly piece of jewelry on a particular finger. Then it’s officially forever, unless you’re Kim Kardashian (three marriages, two divorces, but who’s counting). At that point, you’re really going to need your best friends because if theres anything harder than a relationship, it’s marriage. Don’t push your friends away just because you’ve found a new partner in crime that enjoys “Sons of Anarchy” as much as you do. If anything, keep the friendship strong. You’re going to need it on those days where your wanting to get some of your individuality back. Even your partner would probably rather you not be up their  ‘you know what’ everyday.

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3. I took the easy way out. Now maybe you dropped your friend because your new partner and them don’t get along and you just wanted to be done with all the reality-tv style drama, right? Wrong! You can’t just start dropping people all over the place because they might not like your new man or woman, you wouldn’t drop your own mother (and if so, then none of this article applies to you, we can’t help). You work for the relationships that are most important to you. You’re the common denominator, that means you grab your new partner and your best friend and you all sit down and have a nice chat about whatever tension may be there. Or if they just simply don’t know each other, then you find a way to break the ice.

 

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4. Im nobody’s third wheel. Now if you’re the friend that is the odd man out in what was once a dynamic duo, then reach out to your friend, let them know your missing them and feeling a little neglected. If its a new relationship, they more than likely have lost track of time and their life and are having way too much fun in happy go lucky lovey-dovey lala land and need to be rescued anyways. Our point is, you have to let it be known that there’s an issue because if you don’t, your going to be at chipotle eating alone at a table for two, thinking your best friend has forgotten all about you. When they just simply may have figured you forgot too because you didn’t call either. Just let your feelings be known, if you two had a true friendship, they’ll work at it too. You might not see what your bff sees in their new partner and you’re not supposed to. But just because you’re maybe single or in a relationship thats not so great doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be a love grinch either. If you want to get your friend back, be supportive and treat their partner like the family they are.

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5. Grow up already. Lastly everyone has to understand one important life lesson and thats, that ‘everybody leaves the nest’ one day or another. That means your best friend is likely going to go off to college, meet other people, get married, become a mother or father and so will you. People grow and experience real life, that may change them or not, it could just mean less time to talk on the phone or hang out on weekends. That doesn’t mean they love you any less or have forgotten about you at all, its just that life and circumstances change.

Ok so you don’t see each other every morning at home room any more, or pump the keg and take shots until you can’t see straight. But that doesn’t mean you can’t experience these new life leaps together, meeting up in the cafeteria at school may turn into discussing foreign policies at dinner parties or playdates with the kids, and breakups in high school might turn into divorces in your thirties, either way theres no reason why you have to stop living life together. So learn how to keep your friends in your life no matter who may come or go, and learn to put jealousy aside and love and support your best friends crazy partner choices. Remember how blessed you are to have someone in your life to experience and live through all of these things with. You’ll want your best friend to laugh with at happy hour about all of the dumb stuff you guys did in your twenties anyways.
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Leave a comment below if you’ve ever been neglected or neglected your friends for a relationship.
Written by Hazel of The Dahlia Girls


One Comment on “How to Not Neglect your Friends, When You Start a New Relationship

  1. I’ve never had this happen to me before and I doubt that I ever will because my friends that are girls that are married always make time for me and I have no guy friends that are married ones in a relationship but always makes time for me I have a policy that if a guy is married he can never be my friend

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