Do you guys remember that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie’s Manolo Blahnik heels went missing at her friend Kyra’s baby shower? If you haven’t seen the episode or the show for that matter, Kyra ultimately shoe shames Carrie, calling her $485 purchase an irreplaceable waste and only offers to pay for half of the shoes that went missing in her home. Kyra goes further to shame Carrie by throwing her own personal life struggles of having a husband and children, and tried to humiliate her for spending too much money on her “single” self. Carrie didn’t understand how someone who was once a good friend and buy the same type of shoes didn’t understand the situation. Last year, I actually felt a little bit of Carrie Bradshaw’s pain when my friend’s son threw up on one of my favorite designer purses. Telling you how pissed I was is definitely an understatement on the entire situation. I really felt as though I could have released my inner bitch, but at the time I felt she was my friend and I knew she didn’t have the money to replace the purse. The part that really upset me was her complete disregard for the situation. She even stated that I should’nt have spent that much money on the purse to begin with; after her three year old son puked his brains out after too many gummy bears. She use to be the queen of designer purses throughout college and now, since her priorities have changed she feels the need to shame me.
Though both Hazel and I are both in long term relationships, we are not married and don’t have any children. We both have friends and family members who are married and have children and we often get that crazy look sometimes when we make certain purchases. Is it so bad that I want to binge shop at Z Gallerie or treat myself to a pair of expensive shoes every now and then? I always feel that my friends that are married or have children have something negative to say about this; as if me treating myself is childish.
I feel that there is a huge gap between friends and even strangers when they see see single people spending money on things they may feel is unnecessary. So what if my biggest responsibilities are taking care of myself and my puppy; there is absolutely no reason why I can’t buy Chipotle and Pizza everyday. It’s super important to find that balance in your friends and understand other people’s lifestyles. Of course when you have children your whole world revolves around them, but my world still revolves around me.
Understand that there is nothing wrong with being single and having friends that are married or have children, but I definitely feel that there needs to be an understanding that you each have different lifestyles. Shaming someone who is considered single because they want to spend every dime of their money on themselves is ridiculous. Yes our priorities have changed in aspects of our lives but, why can’t we still support each other? Has anyone ever experienced this type shaming?
Tell us all about your experiences and how you handled it to try and maintain your friendship.