The act of developing feelings for someone else knowing they are emotionally unavailable, in another relationship or there is no label involved is a very dangerous zone to be in. I would advise you to abort the mission immediately, however, you’re probably thinking their feelings for you will change. You’re probably thinking that you are the perfect woman for him and everything that he wants. This could also be reversed if you are a man. To a certain extent, you may be correct. Maybe after a certain amount of time, the energy and effort that you put into this person will pay off and they will see that you are the ONE. Then again, maybe they won’t see you as anything more than a good back up plan, because you have done everything that a notable girlfriend would do without a title. Chances are, they will leave you for someone that was more of a “challenge”. How would that make you feel?
In the past, I have been a guilty participant in catching feelings for someone that was not labeled as my “boyfriend”. You see the issue with someone not being yours is that you really can’t get upset if they are talking to other people, not texting you back or not being attentive. That would make you appear crazy and they will probably feed you the infamous line, ” Well you’re not my girlfriend”. Therefore, though you may be putting in a strong 100% of effort, the other individual has not stated that the relationship has an authentic label.
I’m not the type of woman that falls in love often or to even utter the words,” I Love You”. It burns my soul a little to do so. So when I do fall in love, it’s always a super big deal. In my past situation, the unmentioned individual and I spent countless hours on the phone daily and a lot of time together; which sometimes was intimate. Nonetheless, we developed a very strong bond and connection. It actually started to feel as though we were in a relationship. Something that my grandmother said to me during this time that really stuck with me was, ” Why would he buy the cow, if he is getting the milk for free”. At first I thought she was calling me a fat ass but, shortly after I realized she was making a lot of sense. Why would this guy commit to me, when I am giving him everything he needs without a commitment. Let’s also add in there, that he knew I was in love and that I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. He had exactly what he wanted and I was willingly giving it to him. He had a consistent person there to listen to his troubling times without having to cough up any cash for Christmas or Birthdays. He was is heaven. Meanwhile, I was down the street, around the corner and two houses down in hell.
If the guy has enough decency in the beginning to tell you that he is either emotionally unavailable, in a relationship or just is not looking for anything then luckily the ball is in your court. You will have to make the decision to either continue to keep them around with no expectations or to let them go. Do not be the girl that has sex or goes out with a guy and then ask him, ” Well, what are we”? You will look crazy.
If you decide to keep this guy around, understand that you cannot catch feelings for him and that you should never do any girlfriend duties. If he states that he is not emotionally available, there is nothing wrong with keeping him around as a friend and keeping your options open. Remember to always stay in that role. You never know what will happen, he may at some point want to take things to the next level. However, do not count on it. Do not let a guy that has stated that he is emotionally unavailable take up all of your time. Spend time with him, when it is convenient for you; especially if a relationship is something that you are after.
If you are interested in a man that is in a relationship, understand that if the stars align and he ever decides that he is interested and wants to take it to the next level, he is a CHEATER. If a title is ever developed between you and a cheater, he will most likely cheat on you. Karma is a bitch and we are not judging you for this option what so ever.
There is probably a percentage of you that are bashing me for this post and screaming why is a title so damn important. I will agree that there are some individuals that value a title more than an actual genuine relationship or union. They just want to be able to post Man Crush Monday (MCM) posts on Instagram and to lock in additional gifts for Valentines Day, Birthdays, Christmas and Anniversaries. I truly feel that some people feel like they are a worthless piece of shit if they aren’t in a relationship and everyone hates you including yourself.
Whether you are a man or woman, it’s a horrible feeling to invest time into someone and there be no authenticity at some point. When there is a title involved there is then a sense of commitment and respect for both individuals in the relationship. Of course you could always be in a partnership with someone and have a mutual understanding, however, in reality if someone fucks up and cheats is it really even cheating? The answer is no. With saying that, if this is the type of arrangement that you are interested in, by all means go and flourish.
It is important to discuss these boundaries in the beginning so emotions are regulated. For example, at this time I am not looking for a relationship or for love. Therefore if I meet a guy that is ready to find his wife and love with all of his heart, I typically do not get involved. Unless he looks like Idris Elba. I’d be ready to be a wife then. Yes, I’m aware that sounded shallow and you will do nothing about it.
If you have any input on this topic please feel free to comment below or email us at email@example.com if you have been in a similar situation. As always, thank you for the continued support! xoxo