The idea of this blog post was prompted by one of our Snap Chat Confessional questions, where a woman asked us how we felt about dating someone who makes significantly less money? Is love really enough to make a relationship “work”?
Honestly, there is really no “right” answer to this question and personally I feel there is a definite double standard. If a woman makes less money than a man in a relationship, it really is not considered that big of a deal. It is actually accepted and common in many circumstances. For a lot of women, the goal is to ultimately fall madly in love with a partner that not only treats them well, but also can provide financial security. I’m not going to sit here and say money is everything but, maybe the real question is whether or not your partner is complacent where they are financially. Some of you may bash me for my honesty in this post but, if you are a woman that is making significant strides career wise and financially there is no reason why you can’t have certain standards for yourself in the dating world. As a comparison, there are many financially secure men that aren’t necessarily looking for a partner that is on their level but, have all the standards in the world when it comes to looks. So why is it so taboo for a woman to say I don’t want to date a man that makes less money than me and lacks ambition. Why does that simple idea scream, ” I’m a goal digging bitch”. As I noted previously, there is no reason why the standard can’t be to find someone that treats you right and is on your level financially and in terms of ambition. Here are a few things you should think about:
As a woman, it is important to ask yourself if you are comfortable with making significantly more money than your partner. I honestly feel that financial gains are more than just a specific job, it’s actually a mentality and an ambitious attitude. For example, you have lawyers that make 45k annually and then you have lawyers that decide to go into private practice that make three times that much. Neither are “bad” but, one lawyer clearly has more ambition than the other. If you are aware that you have an ambitious attitude and that your partner does not, then you may not be compatible with them. Being in a relationship with someone who is not on your level mentally will drain you and it will cause you to constantly ask yourself, “Why aren’t they working as hard as me”? So ask yourself if you’re comfortable with being the only relentless “go getter” in your relationship.
After you ask yourself, “Why aren’t they working as hard as me”, you may then result to trying to teach them. You may try and help them realize that there is more to life than what they are used to. Hazel and I have had many people in our lives that are still in the same position they were in five years ago. I don’t care how many times you try and “teach” someone new things or show them something different they may never understand it. Some people will never get out of their hometown and experience life and that’s ok.
If you are the type of person that would rather spend all your money on experiences instead of material possessions then choose your partner wisely. There is nothing worse than planning for a trip and your partner never having their portion of the money.
The hardest thing to understand and remember is that you cannot change someone. Some people are just not going to be as ambitious as you. Some people are complacent where they are financially and will work the same job for the next 20 years. I’m personally happy about this because, the world needs ambition -less ass people, however, that does not mean you have to date one.
As a woman, we often lead with our emotions and will go through hell to try and save a relationship that is not meant to be saved. Being with someone who is not on your level financially with no ambition will ultimately bring you down to their level. In a more colorful depiction, let’s say you want to go to TAO for dinner but you know your partner can only afford a takeout combo from down the street, which they’re completely ok with. However, deep down in your soul, you know TAO has better lo mien. As women, we are more inclined to go down the street to get takeout to inflate our significant other’s ego. Tao is only a restaurant but, ask yourself what other things are you telling yourself you don’t need just to make your partner feel adequate.
Overall, if your partner is not on your level financially, then they should at least be working their ass off to get there. If your partner has no goals and is complacent where they are in life you can always try and be a positive encourager, however, understand that some people will never see their own potential.