So Things didn’t work out between you two and they went from being the love of your life to number one on your hit list. No matter how many things of theirs you break, or how many pictures you rip up or how many times you call the cops on each other (that was a joke) you still can’t manage to truly move on. Actually, you may have noticed there’s still a certain finesse about them, don’t worry I’m right there with you. This is the beginning of the phase one mind f*ck, also known as sleeping with your ex.
From this point forward I want to warn you, things are about to get brutally real. Ok I’m about a month into the break up process with my ex so my emotions are still on crazy and after a title dragging you here like this one, you’re probably waiting for me to explain how I even slept with my ex. Well it just happened. Id love to be able to say there was alcohol and talk of the past involved that made me believe in love again but it wasn’t. In fact we were in the middle of a heated argument, I felt like I hated him. Even through my hulk o mania rage he looked different, the same way that missing $5 bill looks after you’ve spent your whole pay check. The break up had performed some sort of miracle that made him more polished or something and why shouldn’t I get to enjoy it first? Mind you this is my thought process while we’re screaming at each other. In other words I had reached phase two, insanity.
Afterwards I’m having the basic “you’re so stupid” scold with my damn self but I already knew it was going to happen again. I know, you’re either disgusted or preparing to slingshot your phone into the nearest wall but I’m trying to save lives here. So anyways, at this point I’m supposed to be feeling lower than low but I’m just angry. How come we didn’t have sex like that while we were together all those years? Now I’m questioning the break up and if it’s all necessary and it takes about 8 seconds before I come to the “hell yea” it’s necessary conclusion. My new obstacle was how can I keep sleeping with him while being broken up? I told you I went insane but it wasn’t because of the break up. The break up had purchased a one way ticket to our relationship months ago and I knew that, the sex after the break up is what made me questions life itself. Yes I was that “dick-matized” and I didn’t want to stop. So I didn’t and we slept together again, like 10 minutes after the first time. Then like 10 minutes after that, it continued for weeks. This was phase three, self destruction.
If you’ve started calculating the math (weeks – 1 month) you will have realized, this wasn’t very long ago but I have entered into a new phase; the “bitch just stop” phase. I can continue to blame my actions on my lack of sanity because of the break up but that’s not the case. It was just another way for me to hold on to the relationship because I wasn’t as prepared as I thought for things to end. Ok the sex game leveled up by one thousand but that doesn’t mean I’ll never have that with someone else (yes I am self medicating with lies). It’s actually pretty normal for sex and sex drives to improve after a split because it’s basic human nature; we want what we we can’t have. That ‘shiny new toy’ look your ex just adopted wasn’t because you went crazy; it’s because you realized someone else is going to enjoy what was once yours. That’s what you have to acknowledge, the actual split itself. I’m almost there.
Once you’ve accepted the fact that you can’t get away with setting your ex’s car on fire, you begin to accept that things are over and that’s how you move on. If I could go back in time I would’ve never… alright that’s a lie, I still would’ve still slept with him but I would’ve stopped sooner. It just prolonged things and made me that much crazier. Now I’ve accepted things to where I’m able to be thankful for not having that type of sex while we were together. I probably would’ve ended up married with 4 kids by now. So if you’re going through something like this, don’t isolate yourself and lie to everyone about it like I did. Sorry Ari. Instead tell everyone you feel will truly support you, you’re going to need plenty of shoulders to cry on. It’s better than throwing back those two Ben and Jerry’s you have stashed away.
Alright this “I’m so reckless” story time desperately needs to end before I raid my break up stash. Now I’m going to go wait for my mom to read this post, call me and then ask me where she went wrong as a parent. Fuck.