Sexuality is complex and often not easily explained. There are also a lot of stereotypes and double standards when speaking on sexuality and sexual preferences. Someone who is comfortable in their heterosexual preference, dating someone who is bisexual is a recipe for disaster. Most men think that dating a woman that is bisexual translates to unlimited threesomes and kinky sex. While many women toss bisexual men automatically in the confused homosexual category. Could you date someone who is bisexual?
A few years ago, Hazel and I went out to a big graduation party for one of our friends in Washington, D.C. My boyfriend and I had recently broken up and I was on that freshly single high. That high where you no longer have any bullshit in your life and you’re just happy as hell to be out of the house. Since it was my friend’s graduation party, we had every intention to dance and drink all night, unapologetically of course. At only midnight, I was about 4-5 drinks in . I decided to go to the bar and get drink #6, when I was suddenly approached by a random guy. He offered to buy me a drink and I let him.
I was very attracted to him but, during this time I wasn’t sure if it was just the alcohol or if it was a natural attraction. We kept talking and we both realized that we had a lot of chemistry. Instead of dancing and turning up with my friends, I found myself talking with this guy and drinking with him. He even went and bought several rounds of drinks for my friends to ensure we all had a nice time. Hazel eventually came back over and got me from the corner because everyone was leaving. This mystery guy and I exchanged numbers and we decided that we would meet up for lunch later that week.
The morning after the graduation party, I had the worst hangover ever. My head felt like it was oozing out of my face and there was a battlefield of hungover bodies sprawled around my apartment. When I finally found my phone, I noticed that I had gotten a “good morning” text from the random guy I bonded with over drinks at the party. Instead of waiting to get lunch later in the week, he asked if I wanted to grab some breakfast. I was hesitant because I had just met him, but I decided to take the risk on behalf of my horrible headache and love for pancakes.
I went and met him for breakfast and the conversation continued effortlessly, similar to the night before. We had a lot in common and he didn’t do anything unforgiving like put ketchup on his eggs. He had a great job and was working on his Ph.D as well. I starting thinking that no one is ever this good to be true. I’m thinking he probably has 10 kids, he’s a sex offender or is a hoarder of something. Something is wrong with this man. Despite my gut, I agreed to meet him for lunch the following Friday.
For the next few days, we continued to text and call each other. We went days texting back and forth getting to know each other . One night the conversation turned somewhat sexual. Somehow we got on the topic of when was the last time we had sex . I proceeded to tell him I hadn’t had sex since my last relationship. As he went further, he dropped the bomb that the last time he had sex was with a “TS” about a month ago. Mind you, I had no idea what a “TS” was….I’m thinking maybe something got lost in translation. Maybe auto correct was being dumb and he meant something else. I decided to play dumb and respond with a strategic, “huh” with hopes that he would give me some clarification. “A TS stands for a Transexual”, he responds. He stated that he wanted to go back to women and that his stint being with a transexual was over. He said that initially he didn’t know that he was having sex with a transexual because he was too drunk and didn’t see her “penis”. He was open with me and said that although it was a different experience he enjoyed it and would do it again.
At this point I’m happy and thankful that he was so open and honest about his sexuality but, somewhat upset because he had a lot of potential. Unfortunately, there’s always a catch. My curiosity kept me interested in talking to him. I knew I had my own kinks and I was genuinely interested in his. Our scheduled lunch date turned into dinner instead for the upcoming Friday. Despite me keeping the plans, my own preferences were pushing this guy into the depths of the friendzone.
The Friday dinner date arrived. He pulled out all the stops and arranged for a car to come and pick me up at my apartment, where the driver handed me roses. When I arrived to the dinner location, a part of me felt as if he was trying to make up for telling me that he liked to have sex with transexuals. At dinner, the conversation was once again satisfying and effortless. After a nice dinner, dessert and a few glasses of wine in between he asked if I wanted to come back to his condo and watch a horror movie (my favorite). It was still pretty early so I went with the flow.
Big f*cking mistake…..
I arrived to his condo and as I expected , it was completely decked out from top to bottom. He had a mini home theater upstairs and I decided to get comfortable. Meanwhile, he went downstairs in the kitchen to make some popcorn and get more wine. A piece of me knew that I shouldn’t have been there. I only dated heterosexual men but, for some reason I really enjoyed spending time with this guy. He brought up the popcorn and the wine and we sat together on the couch watching the movie…. having a great time. About 30 minutes into the movie, there was a loud slamming of a door and a man’s voice calling for my date. The man’s voice came closer and more violent. There were foot steps approaching the theater room and they were coming fast.
My date proceeded to jump up from beside me. He went outside the room and locked me inside. At this point, I’m thinking that he owed someone money or that he’d gotten himself into some trouble. I decided to assess for an escape route and realized that the locked door was the only exit. I picked up the glass wine bottle on the table and called an UBER. I was scared to death.
I heard my date and this other man arguing outside the door. The man yelled, “open up the door, where is that bitch”. Meanwhile, it sounded like my date is pleading with this guy to calm down. While I was in my hiding place behind the couch, the door unlocked and slowly opened. I was ready for war and had even taken off my heels. I looked discreetly from behind one of the couches and realized that my date had been fighting with a transexual the entire time outside the door. She yelled at the top of her lungs that my date belonged to her and that he had disrespected their relationship. “Get out of our house bitch”, she said.
My date is in the doorway stunned , and looked like a complete dumb ass. The transexual woman, Jade, was evidently hurt by the situation and I felt the need to reassure her that I never slept with my date. Through her tears she proceeded to put her reported boyfriend on blast regarding their sexual escapades and at that point I made a dash for the door.I ran completely barefoot out of the house, and luckily my UBER was right on time waiting.
To speed up time a little bit…about a month ago, I found out that this guy is recently engaged to a heterosexual woman. The sad part about this is , is that she probably has no idea about his past sexually with Jade. I’m not judging anyone’s relationship and I think people should be with who makes them happy. For me, I just know that I could never date a man that enjoys having sex with anyone besides a heterosexual woman. I don’t want to ever think that the man that I’m with may be cheating on me with another man or that he may want to have sex with a transexual. If you do consider yourself to be sexually fluid, I think that it’s very important that you are open with your partner from day one….even in the dating stage. I have no problem with anyone’s sexual preference, the problem being is when people are not truthful or honest about their interests and kinks.