It’s been quite the journey through hell but election Day is finally upon us. It’s time for our voices to be heard and our screams to echo all the way from our local voting booths to Capitol Hill. As a united front we have the ability to induce change and rewrite the course of history. Whether you’re with her or with that sad excuse for a…oops, I mean Trump; get out and vote! Feel inspired yet? If not just give it some time, takes about 45 seconds for motivation to sink in. Then again, maybe there’s no point in giving a fuck? Here’s 6 reasons to skip out on voting in the 2016 presidential election.
Today is November 8th and in the case that you don’t have this day circled in your calendar, maybe it’s time to revamp your priorities and consider where your life is headed. Because it’s Election Day and by the evening, America will have crowned a new president. Maybe the pageant reference is a little far fetched but you get the point. Doesn’t matter if you’re a die hard democrat, republican, or that rebel that likes to throw in that one vote to the independent party just to stir things up; your vote counts. Unless you’ve decided to forgo this sorry circus they’re calling a presidential election. Listed below are 6 reasons that are excuse enough to sit this one out.
#1 : Your vote. Your right. Your decision.
You have to live for you and I doubt that’s happening if you’re only voting because mom won’t get off your case. Don’t let Puff daddy’s aggressive “Vote or Die” propaganda get you down. Its never a good reason to show up to any party just because you got invited, you need to want to attend. Yes your vote only counts for one but imagine you being the swing vote that decides it all and you used the ‘eenie, meenie, miney, mo’ strategy to pick a candidate. No pressure though.
#2 : If you’re content either way. I’ve always envied adaptable people. They’re usually the ones that can find a happy medium in almost any and every situation while us bitter brats stumble through life just to reach any stable medium. If you can find solace with whoever wins the election, you have defied every odd and I want whatever you’re smoking.
#3 : If you want Trump to win. Trump has definitely faced some major scandals throughout his campaign trail. His method on grabbing women “by the p*ssy” didn’t go over too well with just about anyone with a vagina or properly functioning brain. His reputation has been permanently punctured as well as any chance of him ever becoming the leader of the free world. Oh, there is a God. If you would like to wake up to a scandal ridden president running the country, just don’t vote and it’s a guaranteed Trump win. For every non voter there’s about 4 Trump supporters shoving their ballots into voting booths near you.
#4 : If you can keep your opinions to your damn self. The only thing worse than an avid complainer, is one that does nothing to avoid problems in the first place. I mean come on. If you’re not going to vote, please don’t be the first to log into twitter and compose an entire essay on how much this country sucks. Those 140 character rants are only for voters that made a change by filling in one of those lucrative boxes on the ballot. You didn’t have much of an opinion at the booth, so why adopt one later? That’s like purposely running smack dab into a brick wall and then crying about how badly it hurt. Real smart.
#5 : Don’t know who to vote for. If you are beginning to develop anxiety due to the election maybe it is better to pass the fate of America to other fellow citizens. I wasn’t expecting shortness of breath, double vision, and locked muscles when voting this morning but thats how stressful it was. Yes I survived but the sudden onset of panic almost ruined my entire voting experience. I checked my ballot all of 48 times before submitting it after my eyes kept playing this awful trick on me called “you voted for Trump, dumbass!” Its best to avoid submitting the wrong vote. Don’t worry, you can have your pick of the litter and vote vicariously through any participating citizen.
#6 : If you’re a Trump supporter. Please, just stay in your ‘racist, misogynistic, bigoted, why are your eyelids a different color from your face, I know you can afford a better toupee than that, I enjoy long walks on the beach and ‘locker room talking’ about sexually assaulting women and how smoking hot my own daughter is’, home for the day. Thank you. Sure there’s a possibility you can support trump and not agree with everything he’s said but thanks to the saying “birds of a feather, flock together”, I know better than to naively assume that.
These are all valid excuses to pass along to grandparents, co-workers, and the occasional voter fanatic that we all encounter from time to time. Each of these 6 reasons listed have a 99% success rate in pardoning you from any judgment. Instead of them thinking you’re just one of those lazy americans that don’t exercise their own constitutional rights, they’re going to thank you; as will I. Thank you to all that have found themselves confused, on the fence, or Trump-ing, for leaving your vote blank. You have helped America become great again simply by doing nothing. In all honesty, i’d rather see no voters than a vote for Donald Trump. Now I’m wishing I would’ve given the independent candidate “Deez Nuts” a little more thought. If only we knew then, what we know now.
I know its not that obvious but take a wild guess who my vote was for in the comments section below. Happy voting or non-voting everyone!