Fuck Thanksgiving! Yea I said it. Come at me bro. Maybe I’m still in shock but I was under the assumption that the holidays were all about spending time with the people that make life fulfilling; that the way you awaken to loved ones after coming out of the ultimate food coma. Then reality hit me like an ambulance racing to save its next thanksgiving victim. Sometimes the holidays are just a shitty day, shared with shitty people (you don’t have to admit it), you’ve been forced to spend time with to avoid being that shitty person who makes their grandmother cry because you flaked on another holiday gathering. In the case that your Thanksgiving sucked, here’s a recap of mine. You’ll be feeling better in no time.
Im going to start with the morning of last Thursday when I still had a bit of sanity left to spare, shoutout to that whole bottle of Merlot I downed. I knew going into this years holiday feast that I would find myself at some point, involved in an awkward conversation with a couple of cousins whose phone calls I’ve been screening all year. The most pathetic part had to be recycling the same explanation about that one guy I was with and what happened to him. I think after uttering “I had to put me first” more than 50 times in one night, I’m more than qualified for any of those single but strong black female roles in a Tyler Perry film. Call me Tyler.
Fastforward to around 4:00 p.m. when things seemed to be going smoothly only because I wasn’t aware that I was in the eye of the storm. The smell of deep fried turkey, mixed with family and friends continuously pouring in through the front door, and the same “OMG (insert name) how have you been” robotic greeting had permanently punctured my sanity at this point. After so many fake exchanges, laughs and “I missed you(s)” the tension began to slowly settle in, especially after the food was served. Petty relatives with a full stomach on thanksgiving is worse than a room full of insecure rappers drunk on Ciroc and Hennessy. Being an avid foodie myself, I can’t recall a time I consumed an entire plate of food in under 5 minutes. I knew all it took was one shady statement, said in the wrong octave, to the right person for the entire night to explode, like maneuvering through an emotional field of land mines. Except these bombs were made with insults, threats and below the belt ‘fighting words’.
As I debated if everyone could keep their cool long enough for me to enjoy dessert, someone saw a land mine and decided to stomp on it. There was no build up, no discussion of the past and what the problem was, it was just an immediate “fuck you!” followed by a poetically thought out response “Fuck you Too!” This one argument set off a chain reaction of mini arguments in almost every corner of the room. I decided to take a slice of pie to go and discretely escaped into the night after a couple aunts started hysterically crying.
After years of failed thanksgiving dinners, I finally learned a valuable lesson. Family is hardly ever who or what we want them to be, so stop giving a fuck. There was no need to stress about seeing family, what might happen, and drinking a whole bottle of wine. Stop trying to control a persons behavior or who they are because it’s never going to change. Instead, realize the people in your life for who they are, accept it and enjoy life anyways. At least learn to laugh at the fuckery, life is was easier that way.